A close friend of Janis Joplin once said “As long as everyone would love her, all would be fine. But if only one person didn’t, that could kill her within a minute”. Janis Joplin was someone completely in touch with her inner self and thereby misunderstood by most of the world. Horribly bullied as a child she gained an insecurity she never actually over-won ending up dying because of a drug overdose..
Having a similar past (leaving out the part of becoming a famous rock star and the drug overdose..) I learned a thing or two about insecurity. For one; if you don’t pull yourself out it’ll suck you in. I ended up with an almost (still) natural feeling of self loathing and even had stages in which I’d harm myself thinking that’s what I deserved. As a second; holding on to that insecurity you’re creating unnecessary drama that’ll badly influence new situations you find yourself in. And most important: you do not need nor deserve this…
Ever stumbled upon thoughts as “I can’t imagine anyone ever liking this about me” or “I’ll never look good in any clothes still having all this fat around my waist”? Ever created situations that were self-destructive? Ever got in a relationship from which you knew it was no good for you? Let me help you through these 4 steps to get rid of that damn insecurity. No worries, we’ll take this step by step and you can take all the time you need to help yourself towards a more self-loving way of life.
So what is that insecurity manifesting and even more important; how can you pull yourself out of it? Insecurity comes from a critical voice deep within and can develop from many different experiences. Being the youngest child and missing out of the attention the older brother or sister gets. Bullying, abuse, the influence of the media, insecure role-models and all other negative experiences that made you doubt yourself. As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others. In whatever scenario, insecurity is nothing more than the creation of a strong feeling of self-doubt.
Am I good enough, will I live up to societies standards, will people like me and will I fit in? In a next stage these thoughts might even develop to “I’m not good enough, I’ll never fit in”. If you’re not careful it can even lead to actions of self-harming, self-despise and self-hatred.
At the base of this you can find a question many people at all ages struggle with: who am I? You were pretty sure about who you were when you were still a child. But who is that person and how does that personality function in the ‘grow
n-up’ world? Because let’s be honest. how can you love and accept yourself if you don’t know who you are?
You’re getting bombed by examples of who you could be on a daily basis. No matter where you look, there’ll always be someone to look up to. There’s that mystical inner critic popping up, telling you “If I would only be like her”. Whether it’s a famous model, your partners ex-wife, that gorgeous confident woman in the bar or maybe your always succeeding co-worker. We’re living in a society in which your insecurity is easily fed. A year ago you wouldn’t fit in having freckles. Today you don’t fit in if you’re not having them. The media mirror an image of the ‘perfect’ size 34 and legs that reach out towards heaven. So how can a man ever like you and your size 42?
What if even your parents want you to be something you’re not? I remember my mother telling me that she “wished I was just a bit more like my girlfriends were”. They’d at least go shopping with their mothers and would tell them all their secrets. Then there’s the man looking over their shoulder to check out the behind of the girl who just passed. I once had a boyfriend telling me that he actually really liked small girls with curly hair. I was 1.79 with hair as straight as it can get.
It makes you wonder… Is it okay to be ‘just’ you? How will you ever be accepted by just being you?
The first step of getting over your insecurity is figuring out where it comes from. Answer yourself this:
Which bad experience triggered your inner critic to be that critical towards yourself? Who or what is it exactly, that makes you doubt yourself that much?
Take your time to answer. Dig deep to find your truth. Ready for the next step?