So for now we’ve travelled back in time. Answered two of the most difficult conundrums when it comes to your insecurity. We’ve remembered situations that were already becoming foggy, hidden in the back of our little black box of memories. You might have already gathered some insights about your situation. Where the insecurity comes from, how this is revealing itself in your day-to-day life and the effects this might have.
Now it’s time to take a big step towards processing, accepting and letting go of the past. For myself, this was the biggest and hardest step to take. It was very emotional and it took me some time to process it all.
For that reason I’d advise to take your time to do this. This is not something you can raffle, it’s not something you can do on your smoke-break or during the commercials. It might not ‘work’ the first time, you might struggle with doing and maybe it doesn’t do a thing for you. But I constantly see people around me still struggling with this, from teenagers to adults and I can’t stress enough how highly recommended this process is.
There are some videos I’d recommend to watch before starting this exercise. It might help you get in the right state of mind and support you while you’re doing this. And remember: there’s no failure. There’s no deadline and there’s no time window. There’s no right or wrong.
Take as much time as you need and give it as many tries as you want. It’s your process and everything is okay. If you’d like some more support: download the Headspace app on your phone and let Andy Puddicombe take you through the first 10 sessions to get a grip on meditation and getting in the right state of mind.
Even if you’re not doing this or any exercise I’d highly recommend having a look on the website or downloading the app.
Find yourself a comfortable spot in a safe environment. It might be best to be alone but if you prefer someone around to support you that’s okay as well. Try to find a peaceful environment with not too many loud noises. Make sure you’ve peed, pooped or ate so that nothing will disturb you.
Now get yourself comfortable and close your eyes. If you’ve installed the Headspace app, this would be a good moment to open up Day 1.
Be aware of the room around you, be aware of the different sounds and smells, without holding on to them. Just be aware and let it all be.
Now feel your muscles relax, feel the weight of your body on your seat and slowly turn your focus inwards towards your breathing. Get yourself as good as in a meditational state as you’re able to.
At this moment, thoughts might be constantly popping up in your mind and that’s okay. Did I turn off the stove, what do I need to make for dinner, what time to set my alarm?
Let them come and go as they do but don’t let your mind drift off too far. When you feel that you’re losing focus, try to gently let go of the thought and bring your focus back to your breathing.
When you’re feeling calm and at ease in your meditational state, try to bring back the first memory of the events you have discovered in Step 1. Where are you? Who are you with? What does the space you’re in look like? What are you doing or saying? Are there any things popping out more clear than others? There might be many emotions coming to the surface and that’s okay. Don’t try to push them away, just let them be.
Now try to focus on your feelings. Focus on the emotions that come with that particular moment in your life. Try not to hold on to them, try to just let them be.
An easy way to think of it is to imagine yourself sitting, on a busy road. The passing cars representing the thoughts and feelings. All you need to do is sit there and watch the traffic pass. Sounds easy right? But what usually happens, is that we feel a bit unsettled by all the movement of the traffic. So what mostly happens, is that we run out into the road to stop the cars and maybe even chase after a few. Forgetting that the idea was to just sit there. So now take a deep breath and just sit there. See all the cars passing without chasing after them. It’s okay to feel, it’s okay for the emotions to be there. Just let them be.
Now gently return to that situation, that memory. Try to see your younger self sitting or standing there. What would you like to say to him or her? How will you, having survived all these situations and ending up where you are right now, comfort that young version of yourself? Are you able to understand that young you, have a conversation with him or her and most important: accept your younger self?
This might be the most important step of all. Because no matter what you did, how you acted or what you’d like to change about yourself back then: you can’t. You will never be able to change the past but you are able to accept it. Because don’t forget. That younger person you’re seeing there. That younger person you might be disgusted with, or fearful off IS YOU.
Talk to yourself, comfort yourself and explain that everything is okay. Tell yourself that you know how much it hurts and how sorry you are this is happening to you at this moment. Take yourself by the hand and give yourself the strength to carry on and live towards a better future.
Take your time to finish the previous step. What did you see? What did you feel?
Now slowly shift your focus back to your body. Feel how the body feels. Feel the weight of the body pressing down on your seat. Slowly expand your focus to all the different sounds and smells of the space you’re in. And when you’re ready, gently open your eyes.
Maybe you couldn’t focus. Maybe you couldn’t remember anything. Maybe all emotions came at once and just made it too much to handle. Maybe you were able to establish a good connection with your inner child.
No matter how the outcome, there’s no right or wrong. There’s no comparing to how others might have or haven’t been able to do this. It’s okay. This is your process. Maybe it works for you, maybe it doesn’t. Just don’t let it scare you; you did great!
Take some time to process all of this, or maybe give it another shot. When you’re ready, continue with Step 4.